Chapter 5 : What I want to get right is what happened between Saturday afternoon and Monday morning, because this is the part that people always skip when they tell stories like this. Everything important happens in that dead space. The gym was publi
Mrs. Okafor called me again Saturday afternoon and told me two things. The first was that she had spoken to Principal Alvarez. She did not tell me what was said. She told me she had spoken to Alvarez, and that I was to be at Alvarez's office at seven-thirty on Monday morning as scheduled. She told me this because she wanted me to know that she had endorsed the meeting, and she wanted me to know that she did not endorse it lightly. This is Mrs. Okafor in one sentence. She endorses things the way other people sign contracts.
The second thing she told me was that she had pulled the log's previous eight weeks of Friday logs, because of a question she had apparently had in her head since the second week of October, and that she was "not going to say more about that on the phone."
I said, "Do you have them in the folder?"
She said, "Have them where, Kayla."
I said, "In the folder."
She said, "Good night, Kayla," and hung up, which is Mrs. Okafor for yes.
I have to explain something about the folder that I didn't understand until Sunday. When Mrs. Okafor took it out of the front office on Friday, she took it out of the front office for the last time in the way that matters. The front-office copy of the log is a printed sheet that hangs on the wall outside the attendance office. It gets taken down at the end of the day and it goes in a binder. The binder stays in a locked cabinet on the front-office wall. The original log — the one Mrs. Okafor pulled Friday morning and put in her folder, the one with the wet-ink margins — is the record of record. If it leaves the building, it does not leave the building casually. For it to leave the building on a Friday, in a folder, under Mrs. Okafor's arm, in front of the entire school, was a choice that she made in the first ten minutes of that morning. She had made the choice before the pep rally. She had made the choice before Pruitt ever touched the microphone. She had made the choice the moment she saw her own log say one thing and the office copy say another — and the whole rest of the day, from the pep rally to the parking lot to the coffee shop on Route 4, was her walking that choice across a floor.
I didn't know Mrs. Okafor well enough on Friday to know that. By Sunday night I did.
On Sunday morning I went to my shift at the library. I work weekends as a shelver — not because my mother needs the money, though she does, and not because it's fun, though it is. I work weekends because the library is a public building with heat and Wi-Fi and a woman at the circulation desk who does not care what happened at a pep rally on Friday. There is a specific kind of peace in a building that has no opinion about you. I shelve fiction from nine to one. The library at Ridgeway is small, one floor, an old brick building with a leak in the reading room and a librarian who is a retired elementary school teacher. She let me shelve the day after I turned sixteen, which is the only reason I have a job at all.
At around 10:40, a kid walked in. He was in a Ridgeway varsity jacket, which is a thing the athletes get to wear — blue wool body, white leather sleeves, the crest on the left chest pocket — and I knew the jacket before I knew the face. There are only about ninety of those jackets in the school and I have learned them the way you learn a school in three weeks, by cataloging.
Number twelve. Nicolas Vega.
He was not looking for a book. He was looking for me.
He came over to the H section, where I was knee-deep in a cart, and stood there with his hands in his jacket pockets and did not say anything for about ten seconds, and then said, "Hey."
"Hey."
"I'm Nick."
"I know."
He nodded at that. He looked at the cart. He looked at the floor. He picked up a book from the cart, looked at the spine, put it back wrong — spine facing the wrong way, and I noticed, and I fixed it after, and I've thought about that many times since. A boy picks up a book, looks at the spine, and puts it back wrong while apologizing for bringing the world down around your head.
"You're the girl," he said.
"Yeah."
"I just wanted to say—" He stopped. He looked at the floor again. When he looked up, I saw a kid, actually saw him — eighteen, senior, starting quarterback, the kid on the posters in the hallway. What was on his face was not the thing I expected. Not cocky. Not angry. He looked like a person who had been asked to carry something. "I'm sorry about the rally."
"Okay."
"That's all. That's all I came to say." He started to turn. Then he turned back. "My eligibility thing — the Friday thing — they say I had a tardy that got fixed. I'm not going to say more than that because I don't know more than that. But I want you to know that it wasn't my idea." He said it fast, like a kid reading a class presentation, and he looked at me the way a person looks at you when they're deciding whether to say the second sentence. He didn't say it. He left.
I stood there for about a minute with a book in my hand and the cart at my hip and my heart doing a thing I could not place. Not anger. Not pride. Something worse. Something that only shows up when you realize that the person who used you was using somebody else too.
I finished my shift at 1:00 p.m. and walked home six blocks with my earbuds in and did not play anything through them, and by the time I got to the front door I knew what I was going to do Monday morning, and I knew that Mrs. Okafor probably already knew I knew.
My mother was in the kitchen making a casserole. She was stirring something that did not need stirring. She had her phone on the counter, facing up, which is not something she ever does, because her rule is: phone face-down, rooms face-forward. I looked at her. She looked at me.
"Alvarez called again," she said. "This time I answered."
"What did she say?"
"She said you're allowed to bring anyone you want to the meeting," my mother said. "She said 'anyone.' She said it twice."
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All 8 chapters
- 1The silence came first, and that was the wrong order. A pep rally is supposed to be noise — the band ripping through the fight song, the cheerleaders stacked on the baseline, eleven hundred kids screaming for a football team that had won
- 2I'll tell you the one thing I know about school hallways: they have a different sound than they look. A hallway empty looks loud and clean. A hallway occupied sounds like a roll of tape being pulled off the roll in another room. It took m
- 3I didn't answer the number I didn't know. I sat in the bleachers with my mother until the gym cleared, which took twenty-two minutes of the loudest, slowest, most disorganized dismissal in the history of Ridgeway High School, because nobo
- 4The first thing I did Saturday morning was sit on the edge of my bed with the phone in both hands and reread the message about eleven times. Then I got up, walked to the kitchen, and put the phone on the table between me and my mother.
- 5What I want to get right is what happened between Saturday afternoon and Monday morning, because this is the part that people always skip when they tell stories like this. Everything important happens in that dead space. The gym was publi
- 6Monday morning the low overcast had come back, the same flat white sky from Friday, like the week had never moved. My mother drove me. We left the house at 6:55. She was wearing what she wears to work: dark slacks, a soft blue blouse with
- 7Mrs. Okafor's attendance office is a small room behind the front desk with a counter that opens out to the lobby. She was standing at the counter with the folder closed, and when I walked up she didn't say hello. She said, "Did you sign."
- 8Friday night. Homecoming. Ridgeway High vs. Bellbrook, kickoff 7:15, the field-house lights on the way they always are on Friday nights in November, cold yellow glow through the fog. My mother parked in the far lot because the near lot fi





